Jurassic Park in Dallas Texas

Author’s Disclaimer: this mock article is not meant to be a jab at the Nature Conservancy or its wonderful efforts to preserve land that may yet harbor Ivory-Billed Woodpeckers, etc. I tremendously respect the Nature Conservancy and its work (both in and out of Texas), but had this moment of ridiculous inspiration. However, I don’t mind lampooning corporate disinterest in conservation.

Jurassic Park in Dallas Texas?

Dallas, TX—In a record multi-million dollar land deal, the Nature Conservancy (TNC) acquired habitat that could help preserve what could be the world’s last population of dinosaurs. Several dinosaur footprints have recently been found in the rocks in the oak woods near Dallas Texas. Within the past five years leading up to this deal, several teams of researchers have as yet unsuccessfully scoured the property for traces of these large once-thought-to-be-extinct beasts. “We thought we heard one once,” said Mavis Trammel, head of the most recent team to traverse the property, “It was a pretty big sound almost like a tree falling.”

TNC purchased the 20-acre plot of oak forest for just under $11,000,000 from Trump enterprises Inc. “We were thrilled that Trump enterprises would work with us to help preserve this pristine wilderness from development,” said TNC Texas purchase coordinator Farnsworth Horvath, “We have been looking at this plot for a very long time, since the rediscovery of this population—if the footprints are any indication, we believe this plot will help us to preserve what could be the last healthy population of these gargantuan reptiles.” The ‘reptiles’ Horvath mentioned are believed to be a type of duckbill dinosaur that walked on two legs, and is generally believed to have gone extinct after the Cretaceous period.

When Stephen J. McCormick, head of the Nature Conservancy was asked for comment, he said “Horvath did what?” Mr. Trump, also reached for comment, was asked what he thought of his property being made into a nature preserve. In response, he said “I don’t care what the hell they do with it, excuse me…”